
We all want things around us that make us feel good or special, even if they are bad for us... But if things that make us feel good or special are good for us then we are likely to make them a consistent part of our lives, share them with others, and advocate them in other ways.
There are fewer examples of the things that make us feel good and are good for us than there are things like an ice cream sundae that are soooo good and yet soooo bad. Thus, when we find these rare "good and good" treasures, we love them! But even the good and good must be taken in the correct dosage or we tire of them or tend to take them for granted.
Am I just stating the obvious here? Maybe. But what I want to point out is that YOU can be the good and good thing for your loved ones, your friends,
your customers, your clients, and even your enemies. Knowing how to do this is what I like to call
The Art of Positive Manipulation.
The Art of Positive Manipulation is consciously
making people happy, feel special, or feel good about themselves when you are around. If you can do this then they will want you around, will seek your business or service at the first possible opportunity, will tell others about you and your company or product and will seek to do things that make you feel good, like large orders.
There are lots of ways to use this technique and you must adapt and personalize this approach for yourself in order for it to be truly genuine and work properly. I am only going to get into the first step in this blog but will be writing more about it in the future, so stay tuned or please ask questions.
The first step is
MEETING SOMEONE:
1)
Names are important. If you can't remember names skip ahead and if not, it's time to come up with a way to help such as saying the name back to them, writing it down as soon as they walk away or make some kind of immediate associatio. People love it when you remember their names and although they won't blame you for forgetting, in most cases you definitely will get points for remembering. Also, you can't exactly call them on the phone or send them a letter without a name so you are limiting your avenues of connection.
2) What's more important is how observant you are of their body language, their dress, their attitude, and all of the intricacies that make them who they are at a glance. If they are really well dressed, in the first 10 seconds of meeting them you can make or destroy their day with a simple comment (girls: shoes, toe nail color...), (boys: general comment about look or newish item... sunglasses?). Try to find something
unconventional (do not comment on a girls eye's or smile but rather her hair, shoes or belt). Take note: are they in gym clothes, look tired, etc. and try to think "when this person got dressed, which part of their outfit was the most important?" or if they look disheveled or sleepy think about what you can say to make them feel better since everyone else is going to ask "Oh, you look tired, you OK?". Instead, find something to say that ignores or counteracts or something nice that doesn't relate to this problem rather to the person overall. Remember, think about what you are about to say, how to say it and what effect it will have on the person you are saying it to; you are also about to make a first impression.
3)
Picking your statement. If you are in their store or at their company then this should be very easy to find an unusual but important thing to make them feel good. Most offices, businesses or even meeting places really say a lot about a person so be conscious of this choice and conscious that everything that has led the two of you or the group of you together are choices. Think about how you can use these choices and the information you now have to begin being good and good for this person or group. See "using the dating game in business", a previous blog for hints on how to use silence as a method of being good and good.
NEVER LIE or you are falling prey to the dark side of manipulation. You've noticed what this person, client, or group is wearing; now, the extras: the hair, the coffee, the toenail polish, a pin, heels or comfortable shoes, glasses or contacts or neither? (if neither, then they are likely quite proud of their vision, if glasses then they chose them very carefully and want to know they look good etc.). The key is to hone in on an aspect or aspects of this person that are clearly important simply based on appearance or what you can take in immediately. Appearance is our first layer and the way we often make our first impression. Let people know their first impression is good, I'm sure you can find something that you like. Find some way to make them feel special or good about themselves. Again, NEVER LIE, just look for the positive and find a brief and genuine way to show you've noticed. Don't harp on it, don't allow time for them to repay the compliment, just say it and make them feel good.
OK, we've scratched the surface. Use these honest compliments to make your clients want to be around you. Next time we'll get a little deeper.