Family, Business and the Root of the Problem

Butter Communications is the first company I started and a service based company, which is very different from Paw Pets, a product based company. I started Butter with my mom and we support artisan cheesemakers, winemakers and all others in the delicious world of flavors and food consumption. We also throw California's Artisan Cheese Festival every year in March, which if you have not attended, is the best 4 days of food, wine, cooking and food education (especially cheese) in the country. My mom is also the publicist for Paw Pets. The reason I am writing about Butter is because it can be very difficult to separate family and business when you have a family business and/or work with family . Even in emergency situations it can be impossible to separate the two and that has serious implications.

After a random and not-too serious accident this weekend I found myself sitting in the ER thinking about my future with my fiance, Ariana, and other family members like my dear aunt Esther (my most loyal reader and unofficial editor, Hi Esther!) and my mom (co-founder of Butter and PR director for Paw Pets). In thinking about my mom, my mind jumped from love and family into realm of businesses. So even when confronted with a serious situation, I connected my mom with our businesses and what this injury might mean to our family because of our business... This was not a life and death situation but I spent 6 hours in the ER so it was serious enough to bring up the things in life that mean the most. During this time I listened to a patient beside me prepare for emergency surgery on his liver. Through his narcotic daze he talked about what would happen to his family if he died, what to do if he fell into a coma, and what his immediate wishes were for the rest of his life or death. And there I was thinking about my mom and my business... whats wrong with me that I can't separate the two or that business would be a part of my thinking at a time like this? A problem, I thought.Even in the hospital listening to what might be the last wishes of a dying man I was unable to separate my thoughts of family and business... something must be wrong, right?

Often I've heard people talk about the importance of separating business and family, or work and pleasure, but I love working with my mom; so I decided to take it upon myself to deal with this problem.

I've come to the conclusion that the answer is no. These things are all interconnected parts of life, why spend the energy trying to separate them rather than create harmony between them? Sure I work with my mom, sure it's a relationship of both love and work (supposedly risky and to be avoided). But I would argue that there is nothing wrong with that and focusing on this issue as a problem in itself will only lead you to one of two inevitable answers: Fix problem by ending business relationship or fix problem by ending family relationship.

Neither of these is actually the goal, I simply identified the wrong problem. Rather, the goal is to make both work in harmony and therefore, our problem is how do you work harmoniously with those we love, not how do you separate family or loved ones from business?

Ultimately the world would be a better place if we could call those we worked with, probably those with whom we spend most of our time, loved ones, friends, and family as they are the people we love, trust, care about and value most in our lives. How nice would it be to spend more time with and enjoy business success with those you love instead of strangers connected only by a common business or pay check? After all, pain shared is halved and joy shared is doubled, business or not). Extending your business circle to new friends, new colleagues and new family members, it seems to me, would cause business growth and increase general happiness if done harmoniously.

So how do we learn to work harmoniously with those we love and trust and truly make the most of the opportunity to spend more time and enjoy success with them? I don't know the answer to that question but suggest beginning with the art of positive manipulation and dealing with each person in a special and individual way. However, there is a more important point here. It is one of the most important points I've learned in business school:

Take the time to identify the REAL problem, the heart of the issue, the ROOT, the past that has led you to your current anger, frustration (or happiness) before you try to solve or understand it! Otherwise you are just cutting away the surface of a weed, which will surely grow back bigger and stronger from the roots you left behind. It may feel good to yell or cry or be angry about a situation but it's likely you are just pulling at branches and leaves.